thatguywiththeglassesfandomcom-20200216-history
Monkeybone
(Open on the NC sitting at his desk reading from a binder, when two kids, played by Malcolm and Tamara, walk up) NC: Oh, what's this, kids? (Tamara hands him a folded-up piece of paper; he unfolds it and looks at it) Oh, this is another excuse to do weird stuff again, isn't it? (Malcolm and Tamara nod their heads) Well, your last excuse did result in Beetlejuice, and that was a big critical and box office hit. (the kids nod again; he hands them back the paper) Okay, you can take the rest of the day doing another one. (smiling, the kids walk off, as the NC goes back to reading his binder, chuckling) Those budget scams... (Later, he is seen still sitting at his desk, reading the binder. Now, however, looks rather bored and listless as he has his hand on his fist. Again, Malcolm and Tamara walk up, holding another folded piece of paper, which the NC takes, unfolds and examines) NC: (looking up from the paper) This is another excuse to do weird stuff again, isn't it? (the kids nod) Okay, look, the last time you did this, you made Little Monsters, and that wasn't nearly as good, (folds the paper again) so I want you to try a lot harder this time, okay? (smiling eagerly, Malcolm and Tamara take the paper and leave, while the NC picks up his binder again) NC: (sighs) I'm sure they'll get it this time around. (Still later, the NC, now looking quite annoyed, continues to look at the binder, with his hands clutching at the sides of his head. He looks up sharply to see Malcolm and Tamara approach once more with another folded-up paper) NC: (irritably slamming binder shut and grabbing paper away) Okay, look, your last film was Cool World. COOL WORLD! There's only so many times you can use this excuse for doing weird stuff, just for the sake of doing weird stuff! (the kids nod) I'm giving you one more chance. If this one isn't nearly as good as Beetlejuice, you're both in big trouble! All right? (the kids nod and smile; NC slams folded paper down on desk) Get outta my sight. (The kids take the paper and leave, as the NC looks at the binder again, with a look of annoyance. Still later, Malcolm and Tamara approach the NC's room once again, with another folded paper, which they hold out to the NC. But the NC looks toward them with a face twisted in pure fury: he shakes his head around, rolls his twitching eyes and gnashes his teeth at them; the kids look quite terrified) Tamara: ...Did you enjoy Monkeybone? (Malcolm smiles) (The NC just keeps shaking his head around at them, and then he opens his mouth as if to scream his head off! Then, we abruptly cut to Malcolm and Tamara now writing on a whiteboard, "I WILL NOT BREATHE", over and over again. Tamara is writing in a black marker and Malcolm in a blue marker) Malcolm and Tamara: (in unison, as they write) I will not breathe... I will not breathe... NC: (smiling) Well, how can you accomplish that if you're saying it? (The kids take in a very deep breath and go back to writing on the whiteboard. The NC nods in satisfaction. Now cue the 2017 NC titles, followed by the NC sitting at his usual spot) NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Sometimes, we like to give in to the dark and weird, simply because it's dark and weird. (Cut to a shot of Tim Burton) NC (vo): Some directors are so good at creating them, it's how they make their living... (Cut to a shot of ''Return to Oz)'' NC (vo): ...giving us visually goofy... (Cut to a poster for ''The Rocky Horror Picture Show)'' NC (vo): ...oddly nonsensical... (Cut to a shot of ''Labyrinth)'' NC (vo): ...yet somehow massively... (Cut to a shot of ''The Witches of Eastwick)'' NC (vo): ...entertaining madness. (The montage of the following posters occurs: ''The Frighteners, Howard the Duck,'' Son of the Mask, ''Super Mario Bros. Movie, The Witches (1990) and Theodore Rex)'' NC (vo): But there's a right way and a wrong way to do it, and after a while, the novelty of the strange wears off, and we see what still holds up and what doesn't. (The posters of the movies NC mentions are shown) NC (vo): Films like Gremilns, Addams Family (1991) and ParaNorman still hold up. NC: Films like Monkeybone, Monkeybone and Monkeybone do not. (The title of the movie is shown, before going to its clips) NC (vo): It's hard to say why some of these other weird films work, but it's fair easy to see why this weird film doesn't. Despite it being visually stunning and surreal, it's annoying as balls! It's loud, it's stupid, it's a good thing the director did (the posters of ''The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline, the animated movies directed by Henry Selick, are shown)'' these films, because, much like a trippy coma, I don't know how far I can go before I couldn't come back! NC: So, why is this the one that killed the weird and dark movies for a while? Let's take a look with Monkeybone. (The film opens with a very strange cartoon, set in a school classroom) Stu Miley: (narrating) It was third grade. You know how some teachers have those flabs on their arms? (the teacher in question's arms are so flabby as to look almost suggestive, much to the delight of one student) I began to feel... aroused! NC: Instantly sold! Stu Miley: (narrating) There he was... (out of the student's backpack pops...) Monkeybone! (Monkeybone starts fondling the teacher's flabs) NC (vo): I'm so glad Cartoon Network green-lit "An (?) Christmas"! NC: (looking up in thought) Though I'm surprised the title wasn't "Merry Crummus" or "Beware the Crumpus". Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Content Category:Guides